Monday, May 31, 2010

My Sky


As I sit here and reflect...
On the hope of my visions...
I see something in the picture, 
Something that doesn't quite fit.
It lives in the shadows,
A layer of darkness,
Slowly walks along this hopeful path.
As it sees the desires of the heart,
It starts conniving a derailment.
You see, this shadow wants to take over...
It would like to cover my eyes…
Sidetrack vision, obscure clarity...
So motivation for good will have the opportunity,
To morph into something else.
This cannot happen-
But sometimes giving in, 
Feels like the only solution,
When exhaustion has taken over the mind.
God, it's not easy.
At what point does effort become a mental trap,
To keep you stuck somewhere unhealthy?
I ask myself "am I swimming against the current?"
I don't know sometimes,
Maybe I am…
But maybe I am not meant to get pushed down a stream.
Perhaps my journey is to see another perspective.
I have a choice, and I choose to see this story.
This shadow of darkness, is not meant to become my sky.
A gray day here and there is acceptable…
But my sun will always prevail.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Simple

The thought of you makes me smile,
As I relive our moments, our walks and talks…
I can't help but feel joy.
It's fun to be comfortable with another person,
And not be scared to share real thoughts,
No matter how obscure,
Like randomly asking, "where do birds go when they die?"
The silly randomness of life,
Is what makes a life.
And to be able to share those moments,
Is something pretty special.
Life can be pretty complicated at times, 
And stress seems to be around every corner now days.
So, it's nice to have someone to just talk to,
A person who listens, a person who cares-
A person who adds another perspective,
And helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Life has the ability to change in a second,
As much as we try to plan and figure things out,
We really can't.
So for now, I can honestly say,
I am grateful for you today.


Thursday, May 27, 2010

Clarity

Clarity is my close companion,
She has saved me in more ways then one.
I owe so much to her,
I don't know if I can ever repay the blessings,
She bestows on me daily.
And to date all she asks of me-
is to do good.
So simple, isn't it?
And as I shift my thought process,
And actions daily,
To live by this mantra…
There are moments her antithesis Confusion,
Tries to jump into the picture too.
Confusion is not so kind,
He talks about things I would like to forget,
He tries to make me feel bad,
And ultimately,
He tries to confuse me.
But Clarity, she has a power I can't explain.
She is strong at detecting Confusion,
And kindly asks him not to partake in her vision.
Even when he sneaks in unexpectedly,
She quickly removes him and gets back on track.
She amazes me,
I am very lucky she lives inside of me and leads the way...
I don't think I have the power to see what she does.
Nonetheless,
I do have the ability to recognize her resilience-
Her perseverance and strong will.
Thank you Clarity…
I promise, I won't let you down.



Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Maze

I am calm, focused, and moving ahead…
I found my way through the maze,
Which was once my life.
Now that I am out, I can't be stopped,
Nothing can sidetrack me now.
At least I think.
But then, it comes back...
Emotions and memories have an interesting way,
Of recycling themselves back into life.
It's confusing to decipher the meanings,
Of things you can't identify.
And now the maze is back but with mirrors…
Eluding me to think and see things,
That really aren't there.
Frustration has now entered center stage,
Questions of "what am I doing",
And "why am I doing" have permeated into my brain.
Could I easily solve this feeling,
By categorizing it under a bad day?
What if its been a series of days,
Then what am I to make of it?
I don't know.
Well, there is nothing I can do,
Maybe I will prevail, maybe I won't…
This is all part of the journey.
I just can't stop.
The lessons I learn daily,
Both good and bad are all for something,
And it's up to me,
To see the light at the end of tunnel.



Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Will I Ever?

Have you ever lived a moment,
So special and memorable,
That the memory is stamped on your heart for ever?
What if this memory was tied to an athletic event,
Back in your high school days?
I had one of these moments,
It was fall of 1995,
The stars were aligned for my cheerleading squad,
I know that may sound silly,
But we were a tough squad and took cheering,
Quite seriously.
This was such a magical night because we knew,
With the difficulty of our routine,
We would beat our biggest rivals.
And sure enough, we did!
We screamed, cried, jumped like maniacs,
When they called our school's name for first place.
And I took it a step further,
I managed to get the footage of that night,
From three different angles to make one,
Awesome VHS tape.
In 1999, when I wanted to capture this moment again,
I played my tape waiting to feel the way I did,
Back in 1995.
And as it started, I was filled with anticipation,
But then something occurred….
The picture turned to snow and I heard:
"Cómo puedes causa tanto dolor?"
I was shocked…these words and this footage,
Were absorbed into my mind…
As I realized my parents recorded over,
My best athletic event in high school,
With a Spanish Soap Opera!
As I write this, it still hurts!
It's been fifteen years since this happened-
And I wonder, will I ever forgive them?
Gracias Mom y Pop :)



Monday, May 24, 2010

Connection

As I sit here with you,
Talk about any and everything,
I recognize how much joy we share.
There are moments we catch each other,
Doing the silliest thing,
And without explanation,
A stare is exchanged and the laughter we release,
Makes any other emotion secondary.
We are lucky to have our connection,
Simple subtleties are our stories,
That we privately share.
I see others look at us walking,
I catch the glimpses,
From the table next to us at the restaurant.
Eavesdropping sometimes occur,
So they can borrow a moment of our endearment.
And It doesn't bother me,
If our bond can make another smile,
Then it's just an added bonus.
I appreciate how exposed we are,
I value us not judging each other.
If there is a time in need,
You enter my mind,
Because I know I can count on you.
I am lucky to have the ability-
To define a true friendship,
And I can only do this,
Because you have blessed my life with this-
Life's kindest gift.


Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Beginning

It's amazing how we sit together,
And I hear music in my mind...
There are beats, and tones,
I start humming,
And like a genius,
You fill the holes with sound…
It amazes me, 
How we are doing this…
This is only the beginning-
The creativity is unleashed,
I am amazed and pinch myself,
"Is this really happening?"
Then I just smile,
Because I know it is...
I can't wait for the future,
I can't wait to hear,
What we think of next.
Thank you my friend,
I am going to have to call you,
The "Music Whisperer"
I don't now how you do it,
But I am grateful,
You are on my team!



Thursday, May 20, 2010

Facade

"You know that I love you,
You are the only person in this world who knows the real me.
I am sorry I didn't treat you so well."
Blah, blah, blah.
It's the same rhetoric I heard for years.
In the past your words would confuse me,
I would start at "A" and end at "36",
There was no rhyme or reason,
To defend any argument because I was so lost.
You would stab me in the heart with your actions,
Then hug and kiss me and tell me how sorry you were,
And I would believe you in a delusional way. 
But that was then, and now is very different.
Time has separated our entanglement and I wonder,
What is the point of sharing feelings,
More so, what is the point of bringing up anything,
That has no relevance to our lives today?
I was lucky enough to see the light,
And escape the darkness you introduced me to.
And to think I want any reminder of those days,
Is clearly an inaccurate assumption.
You were a facade...
A leach of sorts who sucked anything good from me,
To better yourself. 
And at expense of what, the collapse of my spirit?
But not anymore love,
Your web of lies and foolish behavior,
No longer fool me.
I see right through you and your every effort,
To try and make me feel bad.
I have nothing to regret, I harbor no ill feelings,
And to be quite honest,
Wish nothing but the best for you.
You were a huge lesson in my life,
And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
So today, all that is left to be said is,
Adios, Au revoir, Goodbye~


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Will You Listen?

I am at a loss of words when I hear your story.
Agony screams out with every word you speak.
Your eyes get filled with tears,
When you utter your sorrows,
And then you will say something with humor,
To mask what you're really feeling.
"What do I do now?" is what you ask me.
But as easy as it is to give words to your problems,
I know the actions needed to find solace,
Are not exactly within reach.
My heart literally hurts as I write this,
As I somehow feel your pain.
I can't even ask how did this all happen,
I've seen what's occurred as a results of bad choices.
Though shock is not an optional emotion right now,
Tears and sadness fill this empty hole.
I wish there were something I could say to make it all go away,
But this is real life and it's not so simple.
Honestly, I do see a little light,
In the enormous dark abyss you are in.
But it's not up to me to get you to see it.
I can lead, share words and wisdom with you,
But ultimately it's you who has to see it too.
At this point all I can do is pray for you my love-
I know life hasn't been too kind,
I can tell you question what's the point in it all,
And all I can say is there are people who really love you,
And want nothing more than to see you get better.
No one here has the right to judge,
So don't let guilt hold you prisoner.
I can't give up on you,
I just love you too much to let go.
Please understand this simple yet difficult truth,
It can all change,
You just have to want it deep in your heart.
I genuinely love you...do you know that?
Now that you have my words,
Will you listen?


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Rare Sense

I am traveling back from my favorite city,
I feel great, inspired and focused.
And as I travel back,
Situations keep occurring which make me think,
Has the world lost common sense?
I understand the need to talk,
Release emotions and connect with other individuals,
But is it necessary to do this irrsesponsibly,
In a public fashion?
As I overhear a really loud conversation,
By a young woman sitting behind me,
"That girl is just evil and negative,
It's so unhealthily to be around people like her...
I hate her!" 
She, herself, doesn't like evil or negativity,
Yet she too hates.
Does she not connect evil, negativity and hate,
All come from the same family?
Then the woman next to me,
A woman of age decides to call three different people.
From her I hear about doctor visits, post office visits, 
Boxes for storage, recipes for peanut butter cookies…
And thank God I forgot what else for forty-five minutes.
Did I have to hear all of this information?
I just wanted to read my book.
My initial hypothesis that common sense has escaped youth,
Went out he window by her actions.
Then, as I get off the bus in an orderly fashion,
A woman with a young child in the row to the right of me,
Pushes me with her purse, stands partially in the aisle,
While obviously trying to get in front of me.
Really?  Is it that serious?
She later smiles and tells me to get in front of her,
As if I wasn't already standing there in the first place.
People, we are all on a bus!
Everyone hears everything, and pushing just isn't nice.
None of these things ruined my day, just made me think.
My new conclusion is common sense is not so common.
I think it would be better termed as "rare sense".
What happened to the good old days?


Monday, May 17, 2010

Thoughts

My eyes have seen pictures beyond my little world…
My writing will attempt to transcend into different environments-
And capture the torment others endure around the world.
We are so naive here,
Our perspective can be one dimensional…
The pain our brothers and sisters feel on other soil-
Is pain we too could feel one day.
We are all humans,
We all breathe, feel and need blood to live…
There is nothing more special here-
Then our pure luck to live in this environment.
So why are we so disconnected from such sorrow?
Why do we infect such humiliation and despair to mankind.
These terrible acts slowly kill the spirit of the human race,
And this common thread effects us all.
How has brutality become such an accepted form of action?
Are we that desensitized to the cruelty we inflict on each other?
I really don't get it....
Our world has become a place where children kill,
And this is somehow tolerated.
There are massacres of people,
And because these atrocities are far from our reality,
We think it doesn't directly effect us.
We are clueless and don't seek to know these harsh realities-
They secretly live in other places,
This way we wouldn't have to change our lives.
"What can I do anyway?" Is the common thought.
But what if there were something you could do?
One action per person may sound like a pretty simple concept,
But millions of people consciously choosing to do something to help,
Could make a world of a difference.
There is a kindness which has escaped us.
We live with violence, we lack understanding,
And unfortunately, stupidity is growing with a vengeance.
If we don't stop, it will ruin the core of future generations.
I pray for compassion, wisdom, awareness.
I dream of a day we will see the injustices,
And do something to change it.
I can only hope our tolerance for such volatile times,
Is reaching its expiration.
Our world needs peace, it needs to heal, it needs love.
I keep this request dear to my heart,
And hope my thoughts can be a small contribution,
To a greater good. 


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Choice

It's hard to accept when certain things happen in life.
Usually because understanding why it happened,
Hasn't matured fully in your mind.
There are episodes you will experience,
That will throw you off your path,
But that is the point.
Life has the ability to catch you off guard-
In a moment of weakness,
You may not make the wisest decision.
That's okay sometimes,
It's part of life and we all go through it.
But what isn't healthy is committing the same mistakes,
Just because you are engaging in a different circumstance,
Doesn't mean it's not the the same mistake of the past.
And what is plaguing to the soul,
Is to expect a different result.
How could it be different,
You can paint stripes on a horse trying to make it a zebra,
But at the end of the day, it's still a horse.
So what if you try to change it up a bit?
Do something you typically wouldn't do.
If something bad has happened,
How interesting would it be to morph it into something good?
These are just my thoughts…
Thoughts materialized because I have brought light,
To areas that were once dark in my past.
Life is about choice,
It's in your hands…
Here is an a great quote by Wayne Dyer:
"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself.
Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice"
How true…
Seek to understand the depths of choice,
And a level of awareness and clarity,
Will soon follow suit.
Life doesn't have to be so hard,
I promise.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Stopping Time

I look into your eyes, and daily you change.
You're getting taller,
Your vocabulary is broadening-
Your spirit is growing.
The luck I feel, with your soul in my life,
Is indescribable at times.
Selfishly, I wish I could stop time,
To hold on to this moment a little longer.
I wonder what you will see...
What life has in store for you.
I want to give you all my wisdom to protect you,
And shield you from hurt.
But this, unfortunately I cannot do.
Life has to play out, 
And lessons are part of the journey.
Pain has to dance with joy,
In order for you to really appreciate it all.
God, I pray your path is blessed,
That you find your calling early,
I pray your dreams are realized,
Which will allow you to dream some more.
You are the loves of my life-
You have given purpose to my soul.
You little angels bless our family,
One day, you will understand this-
BELIEVE, DREAM, LOVE…
It can all happen my baby,
May your story be inspirational...



Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My Dear Friend

The experiences we have shared,
The tears we've seen in our lives,
As we stand there by each other,
Genuinely and committed to,
This special friendship in life.
You know all the funny stories…
You've witnessed the highs and lows…
And with dedication and understanding,
You have been there with unconditional love.
In life there are many people we meet,
And at times we get disappointed,
Our feelings get hurt,
Some friendships don't last over the years.
Yet with you,
You've never judged, never added more layers,
To the complications already in life.
I am lucky to have you.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you...
Because of you, I can define what a true friendship is.
As if this isn't enough,
You've transcended this friendship into sisterhood...
Something so rare and uncommon.
Despite us aging,
And the responsibilities tied to growing up,
I will always make time to hear and listen to you, my sister.
Know you live in my heart-
There is nothing but gratitude for the kindness you've shown me,
Over all these years.
I loved you then, I love you now,
And will love you always,
My dear friend.



Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Watching you Sleep

As I watch you breathe,
Inhaling and exhaling so softly,
I feel an inescapable sadness.
Life hasn't been so easy for you,
You've sacrificed more than a person should.
At times, your decisions have been met head on,
With opposition and questions.
Despite all the struggles, you kept going.
There was something in your heart,
A fate you wanted for the future generations,
Or at least the opportunity to give us a different destiny.
This hasn't been a simple lesson to learn.
Not for you, not for your children, 
Neither for us your grandchildren, nor your great grandchildren.
Yet the lesson keeps unraveling day by day…
Slow at times to the point of absurdity,
But nonetheless, the puzzle keeps taking form.
I feel a level of responsibility,
For the decisions you have made.
All your sacrifices were not so I could lay around,
Complain of the past and live unattached.
This is not what I learned from you.
You were one of the first teachers in my life.
I am who I am because of you.
You were a pioneer of your time,
You took steps and ventured a journey other's feared.
Your courage to step into the unknown,
Is deep in the hearts of our family.
I pray for you my dear Abuelita…
I feel nothing but a profound appreciation to you.
We are all here because of you,
And that is simply undeniable.


Monday, May 10, 2010

The Sculpture

When we are born,
It's the closest we will ever come to perfection.
Nothing has happened yet,
We haven't been hurt, we haven't hurt others...
Tragedy hasn't entered our life.
But then one day,
It all changes...
Perfection gets picked at,
Like a sculptor picks at a stone.
He sees something in this rock…
A masterpiece of sorts,
And a vision only his eye recognizes.
This is where I wonder…
How does this sculptor see his image?
What inspires him to carve a little here,
Maybe a little more there?
What if it's unbalanced?
Does this stone feel the imbalance?
Why are some carvings more hurtful than others?
More importantly,
Why does the memory of a cut,
Linger on for so many years?
I don't know.
The destiny of this rock is to become-
An amazing piece of art.
Could this piece possibly stop being just art?
What if it absorbs the mind of the sculptor.
And trust in the shape the sculptor sees?
For this to occur, a bridge has to be crossed,
And this bridge is called acceptance.
There is a bigger picture.
It just takes time to get there…